/Rant

I’m glad I can teach you what you should have learned in the third grade.

Your incessant questions are about to make me lose my shit. 

Like…shave my head, attack you with an umbrella-style lose my shit.

Yes, huntee - I got your voicemail. And I didn’t give one fuck about it. 

#Bloopbloopbloop

“Please help me plan viral growth. I’ve promised the client 4 viral outreach moments.” 

WTF does that even mean? Is this person that you’ve promised this to able to fog a mirror? If so, they should run away from you immediately.

Turd.

Unless you’re 1.) a Spanish porn star or 2.) Ted Danson, do us all a favor and stop addressing your email with “Hola” and signing it “Cheers.”

Tomorrow is Casual Friday at work. Thankfully, I just got this top back from the dry cleaner.

So, you’re welcome in advance, everyone, for #boobshimmy.

The passive-aggressive e-mail chains I get looped into. 

I don’t respond. I eye-roll. Until my eyes actually bleed. Or until you sense my hate.

this is me when a massive shit show is no longer my problem.

I actually blame work for making me:

• Less intelligent
• More childish
• Apathetic toward the care of other human beings

So there’s that.

well, hello work week.

it’s like you won’t get out of my damn life. just go away.